At its most modest, the Muff March is against the pornography-influenced obsession with removing pubic hair. But it’s also about protesting against the sort of surgery that makes you cross your legs. Typical procedures on offer include labiaplasty (trimming or removing the labia) and vaginal rejuvenation (tightening – usually referred to by “designer vagina”).

If I wasn’t getting ready to celebrate Christmas with my in-laws on Sunday, I would totally go to this.

“Did you hear about that 1 per cent pay rise?”

“I did. Tough but fair, if you ask me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, we in the private sector have to work to pay for you in the public sector. It’s only fair that you show some restraint.”

“Well, ‘show some restraint’ is not quite the phrase, is it? It’s not as if I’m choosing my own pay. You must be confusing me with the chief executive of a major PLC. No need for me to show any restraint; George Osborne is quite capable of showing restraint on my behalf, thank you very much.”

“Good job he is, too. I’m paying for your salary.”

“Is this the ‘hard-working private sector funds the bloated public sector’ line?”

“Funny you should mention that, I guess it is.”

“I’ve never understood that. I’ll admit that you pay for my salary, but I pay for your salary too.”

“How’s that?”

“You work in sales for a mobile phone company. I work as a teacher.”

“Yes, my taxes pay for your salary.”

“But my mobile phone bill pays for your salary. If the government nationalised Vodafone – stranger things have happened – and privatised the school system, my taxes would be paying for your salary while my employer would be sending you a bill for my teaching of your children. But we’d still be paying each other. This is a modern economy. Everybody pays for everybody else’s salary, except the subsistence farmers and survivalists, who look after themselves.”

More if you click through.

Or is it? Good article for a Tuesday morning.

I’m starting to go off London. Britain is starting to take on the worst of America - crime, inequality, poverty. If this is how it’s going to be, I should just move back…

“Earlier today Home Secretary Theresa May made a striking claim about the how pet ownership was interpreted in human rights legislation.

She told delegates at the Conservative Party conference of the case of “the illegal immigrant who cannot be deported because – and I am not making this up – he had pet a cat.”

Ms May’s speech writers would do well to read more Full Fact and less Daily Star. After all, it was only a few months ago that we covered this story debunking the feline connection.

Indeed in response to Ms May’s speech the Judicial Office of Communications have taken the step of re-issuing a statement they made two years ago when the story first surfaced.”

Well done, May. Well done.